My Outlook on Marriage

Frida y Diego

“I don’t believe in marriage. Let me be clear about that.

I think at worst, it is a hostile political act. A way for smallminded men to keep their women in the house and out of the way, wrapped in the guise of conservative religious nonsense.

At best, it is a happy delusion: it is two people who really love each other, who have no idea how truly miserable they are about to make each other.

But! When two people know that and they decide, with eyes wide open, to face each other and get married anyway…I don’t think its conservative or delusional. I think it’s radical. And courageous. And very romantic.” -Anonymous

I am engaged to be married.  It isn’t the first time, but the first time was a bit awkward and I was quite young.  This time is the real deal.

I have been a bit of a skeptic regarding marriage and the archaic traditions that I do not always completely agree with.  For a long time I was on the fence as to whether or not I thought humans in general, were meant to be faithful to one person.  It doesn’t happen in the animal kingdom, other than a couple species of birds and whether we like to admit it or not, we are animals.

It is also mildly disturbing for me when I see women getting all obsessive about the wedding decor, their huge guest list and what tiara they should wear before they have even been asked for their hand in marriage.  I often wonder if the bride is just wanting to be a princess for the day, or if she genuinely understands the commitment she is making.

The next reservation I have about marriage is the whole western idea that we meet a person and that is our “soul mate”, the person we are meant to be with, our other half.  I call bullshit on this one.  Eastern cultures get it right with the common belief that you are choosing a partner that you can build a life with.  It isn’t some pie-in-the-sky dreamy trance we fall into upon meeting a person.  It is serious business in my opinion and while I believe that we do have “soul mates”, I believe that I will encounter more than one and of either sex; it doesn’t mean I should marry them.  It seems like more of compliment if the person you are entering into this agreement with actually chose you, rather than it just being some sort of spell that has fallen over you.

My criteria for agreeing to marry my lovely fiance:

  1. Love (yes, I am a westerner, I must love him first and foremost)
  2. Intelligence
  3. Humour
  4. A drive to succeed
  5. ..but not obsessed with monetary value or material wealth
  6. Leans to the politically left side of things
  7. Likes to eat good food
  8. Has some sort of hobby or art they partake in, a passion
  9. Has empathy
  10. Wants to be a better person

I am sure everyone’s list is different, some would have put a six figure income a one of their criteria, but not so much for me.

As mentioned before, wedding traditions for the most part tend to irritate me.  I find that most people insist on adhering to these traditions, yet have no idea why they are adhering to them.

Here are some wedding traditions that stood out to me and quite honestly I find odd:

Wedding Veil:
The wedding veil hides the bride’s beauty and wards off evil spirits. Another explanation is that during the times of arranged marriages the bride’s face would be covered until the groom had commited to the marriage.

Where to stand:
The bride stands on the left of the groom during the marriage ceremony to allow his sword arm to be free ready to fight off other men who may want her as their bride.

Confetti has replaced rice or grain in modern times, the rice was thrown at the bride and groom to encourage fertility.

Wedding bouquet:
The throwing of the wedding bouquet was introduced from America and it is said that who ever catches the bouquet will be next to be married.

Seeing the bride:
It is good luck for the groom not to see the dress before the wedding day. It will bring more luck if he does not glance at the dress as the bride walks down the aisle.

The tradition of giving guests something to remember the day by in the form of favours has been around for hundreds of years. Today, the tradition has evolved to giving each guest five sugar coated almonds to symbolise health, wealth, fertility, happiness and long-life.

The threshold:
Carrying the bride over the threshold protects her from any evil spirits that may be lurking in the new home.

I think I am going to have a shitload of evil spirits getting into my house, into my marriage and up my dress because I don’t intend on following these and if I do, it will be on my own terms.

I would like to conclude this blog with letting everyone know that I am beyond thrilled to be getting married and this in no way takes away from that.  Our day will be spiritual on our own terms and our commitment to each other will be genuine- that’s all I’m saying.


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